Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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