I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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