I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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