I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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