I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize