So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
