I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I have tasted many bathrooms
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
