Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
