Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
