Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
