The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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