that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
