So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
