last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
