tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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