____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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