Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
