if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
