Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
