She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize