At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
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