It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
