he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
