she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
im holly from the hills drunk
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
