BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
