My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
