Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
