Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
