I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
