All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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