I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
