he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
