I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
