There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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