Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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