my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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