He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
