hell yes lets make some ravioli
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
