I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
