how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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