we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize