She said her name was "party"
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
