I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize