I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
