Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
