Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
did i walk over a car last night?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
