Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
