I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
