I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
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my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
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You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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