the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
