Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I deserve this hangover.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
