Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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