My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
