how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
