??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
