So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
