who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
