allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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