If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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