just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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