Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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