so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
