Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
