Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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