Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
