there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
there was a trapeze. enough said
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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