i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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