this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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