alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
