I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
