Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
