I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
