it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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