so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize