dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
