oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i've created a new STD.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
