mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
