She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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