yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
